1. It is never a good idea to ask someone to marry you before the first date.

2. This also applies to the Internet. Double.

3. Half your age plus seven. That’s the youngest you can date without a double take. Ex: You’re 30, half your age = 15, plus 7 = 22.

4. The average interval between lesbian relationships is minus three point five minutes.

5. The average lesbian date lasts approximately three years.

6. You never want to be “rebound girl” (RG)- the rule is a minimum of one week singledom for every month they were their ex.
Any less, and you have a strong potential for being RG.

7. I love you is not a question.

8. Femmes look like femmes even in men’s suits.

9. Ditto Tuxedos

10. Piercing your tongue is a lesbian contradiction in terms.

11. It is much cheaper to say, “No, thank you, I have to milk the bison this weekend” now than it is to break up later. It is not, however easier.

12. Any friend in need of being “fixed-up” is way too broken to be ready to date.

13. The term “Lesbian Therapist” is redundant.

14. Life is a process. Lesbian Life is the process of processing the process.

15. After six months, all lesbian couples walk alike. It’s a law.

16. After one year, all lesbian couples will be wearing at least one matching item of apparel.

17. After ten years, all lesbian couples pronouncing the word, “Hello” into a telephone will sound indistinguishable.

18. Your girlfriend will never understand why you want to start dating again.

19. It is nearly impossible for a lesbian to have a best friend she has not been previously been in a relationship with.

20. Or won’t soon be in a relationship with.

21. Or secretly wishes she was with.

22. You will always solve the problems of the last relationship in the current one.

23. It will not, however, help.

24. Just because you never talk about any men except your father and brothers at work does not automatically mean that everyone at work surely must know you’re a lesbian.

25. Not all female athletes are lesbians.

28. Ditto military service women / officers.

29. Ditto nuns.

30. Every family, if you extend out to all the cousins, has at least one gay or lesbian member.

31. Your father will tell any one who asks, that it’s on your mother’s side.

32. Parents should be reminded, gently and often, that “I love you ANYWAY” is not a compliment.

33. Your gaydar will only work on half the lesbian population.

34. Did I say half? I meant 1%

35. Gay men may be of the same ilk, but they are not of the same species.
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